(The Other) 10 Things You (Guys) Need in Your Tiny Closet

Jules wrote this fancy post about the ten things you need in your tiny closet a few months back. As you might have guessed, I can't really rock the double-duty day dress, I'm not sure what makes a button down Chambray, and I haven't hunted, skinned, and waterproofed my own Anorak, yet.

Are you chilling at home? Consider pants optional.

With that said, there are ten other things that every guy should have in his tiny closet...

1) Shirts

Essential. You can put them on or take them off. You can roll, fold, wad, or hang 'em up.

Done wearing your shirt? Use it to wipe up that beer spill then shoot it out of a cannon. It's not just a shirt, it's the Swiss Army Knife of the male wardrobe.

2) Pants

This is a close second to shirts. I've created a quick test to see if you need pants:

  1. Are you going out in public? If yes, wear pants. This will hopefully keep you out of jail.
  2. Are you chilling at home? Consider pants optional. However, and this is a matter of personal preference- if you're planning on deep frying chicken wings before a football game, I recommend pants. Cuz splatterguard.

3) Pair of Shoes

These are your everyday kicks. Work, travel, play, these smelly sneakers should be worn until the soles disintegrate and your Mrs. physically incinerates them or tosses them out with your holey socks.

Which brings me to...

4) Socks

To be worn with shoes.

5) Other Pair of Shoes

Provided that you have pants, these should be worn on dressy occasions: parties, formal dinners, anniversaries, etc.

May be polished for added effect. Typically brown/black. Should not light up (non-negotiable, APPARENTLY).

6) Whatever your lady asked you to put away...but you didn't....until right now. Because you just heard the bus' makeshift doorbell/windchime thingy (enter hangry in-laws.)

This differs from person to person. It might be one of items 1-5. It might be practical, random, or something that escaped from the dark recesses of your closet with the assistance of a mischievous cat, aka, Mr. Butters. Whatever the thing, your confused future self will have a mystery on his hands several days later as he asks, "How the frack did this get here?"

7) Work Satchel

This is the happy home that your oversized satchel discovered after having been left in the kitchen one too many times.

Don't worry, no hurt feelings - the bag is quite cozy and content.

8) Snacks

Satchel Snacks. These are probably in your work bag, and it's a good thing too - it's late and you don't want to disturb anyone by making eggs at 2 in the morning. Because APPARENTLY that's rude.

Ate through the groceries? Satchel Snacks. Organizing your tiny closet when hunger strikes? Satchel Snacks. Just had a Snatchel Snack? Satchel Snacks.

9) Sports... Fragrance

Got gamey equipment? Embrace the musk. All natural Old Spice, baby. Yummmmm.

10) Underwear

This one almost didn't make the list. This is a good substitute for pants if you're at home.

Can be used to keep nice pants nice after (and during) Taco Tuesdays. Should be worn for personal protection when sliding around in socks and dancing to "Old Time Rock 'n Roll."

Risky Business, indeed.